Extreme Simplexities
by baby-kitsune9
Summary: I don't really know what to put as a summary because my mind is a million miles away. al I can say is that Uzu is married to an older man, but he later on dies. right now i'm just letting her torture him. I may make this an Iruka/fem Naru fic. Smart, mature-ish fem Naru
1. Chapter 1

_From extreme complexities, extreme simplexities emerge- Theodore Roosevelt_

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She was an enegma to him. He thought to himself as he watched her flit around her small kitchen every so often as she went about cooking their dinner.

At eight years old she was perhaps one of the most accomplished former Anbu/Hunter nin, medical jutsu users, and of course- his wife... Taken under duress mind you for the sole purpose of protecting her from outside forces who would give their right nut and then some just to get their hands on her, while giving her his last name in secret to give her more freedom than she would have been originally allowed because of her Jinchuuriki status within the village.

Plus it also gave him a little extra wiggle room to take her outside the village when he needed to go on a diplomatic mission or Kage meeting.

It also ensured that upon his death, she would be given every benefit as his wife and allowed to reside within a home of her choosing, given enough money to live on for the rest of her life whether she decided to work later on in life or not.

"What are we having for dinner tonight?" He finally asked as she turned to face him from behind the counter with a head of nice lettuce in one hand and the other with a purple onion, and one small radish, and what looked like a plastic bag of cherry tomato's in it.

"Stir fry chicken and rice, miso soup and a salad with-" She paused for effect because she knew he was probably going to cringe at what choice of dressing she had made. "Mustard dressing."

Yup, he just cringed. The sound of her amusement gave her intent regarding the mustard dressing away as she slowly shook her strawberry blond head and picked up the knife to begin cutting up the vegetables. She had just finished preparing the first salad when she finally asked, "When is Goddie coming back to the village?"

Goddie- of course was Uzu's cute nickname for his former student and one of the three legendary sanin, Jiraya. Whom just happened to be her godfather.

The same man that had urged him to take the girl as his wife when she was still an infant despite the fact that he held no romantic interest in her and viewed her more as a grandchild. The same man who had decked him on three separate occasions- and once having even sicced Tsunade herself on him, just because he had mistakenly hurt the girl's feelings.

"It will be a while yet. A few months I think..." He finally said after several moments of careful thought and calculation.

"And you did remember to leave a clone of yourself at the tower, right." It wasn't really a question. It was a carefully veiled reminder coupled with a threat to his person.

Knowing the drill the elder rolled his eyes at his wife before replying playfully, "Yes mother- Hey!" He shouted as she twisted the blade of the knife in her hand and then flung it at his head causing him to hit the deck automatically and reach up to flip the table just in case when he heard her growl at him without bothering to take her eyes off of her current task of grabbing another knife and finishing their salads.

 _"Don't even think about it dumbass."_

Which was more than enough incentive, along with knowing her personality quirks and the pitfalls that often came with it- to keep his hands from flipping her table and using it as a shield from further flying projectiles she may deem fit to hurl at his head.

Besides, the table wasn't sturdy enough to withstand a chakra blast if she decided to hurl one of those terrible things at him so all in all using it to protect himself from bodily harm was rendered more or less, pointless.

Go figure.

Deciding to try and distract her with some simple conversation in the hopes that she wouldn't throw anything else at him, he peeked over the top of the table at her and said. "I'm thinking of taking some vacation time soon." She paused in mid motion, her little head tilting a tad. Just enough for him to see her angelic little face and the soft glint of her pale neon pink eyes underneath her long bangs.

"What kind of vacation?" She asked as scenario's from several of his previous ones all played through her mind in the span of a 0.2 seconds. She asked not only out of politeness but because she got the feeling that if he was planning on taking some time from the village again, she'd probably be skipping out on her current duties to stalk him and keep him safe.

Like the last time he took a vacation. And the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that...

"I thought I'd go fishing-" He began to say when she narrowed her eyes at him slightly, a scowl marring her pretty little face as she pictured his version of fishing as opposed to the normal man's fishing.

His involved an whale sized shark with super big, sharp teeth, and a teeny tiny toothpick sized spear in which to catch and kill the blasted thing with.

Letting her breath out slowly, she stared at him and made a mental note to make his dinner a damned last meal as she finally finished putting her salad together and then said, "Dinner time, dead man." Causing the elder to pale considerably and gulp as she gave him a fanged little smile at the look of absolute terror on his face that had him almost crying.

 _Tonight is going to be another long night._ Sarutobi thought to himself as he ate slowly while casting occasional glances in Uzu's direction from underneath his lashes before finally asking. "Do you plan to terrorize me for the rest of my days?"

Uzu didn't reply right away due to the bite of food in her mouth, but from the slightly subtle shift in her aura, Sarutobi could only surmise that her answer was, yes.

"That's elder abuse you know." He growled out at her as she finally finished chewing her food and swallowed.

"Yeah well, that's what terrorists do. They terrorize."


	2. Terrorists Terrorize

The next day, Sarutobi woke up at his usual time bright and early at the ass crack of dawn just so that he could return to the 'Hokage's' residence before something happened to his clone. After all, a Hokage was on duty at all times of day or night, and during all states of physical health.

If someone decided to pull some shit and came to him for help and got a clone, the village alarm would be raised the second the thing dispersed.

Walking through his wife's apartment, he found her curled up in her usual place- in the weird looking little sheet fort that she had made when she was three, in the closet of her bedroom, surrounded by a whole mess of handmade cushions and pillows and blankets.

The sheet fort was perhaps the only real act of childishness that his young bride allowed herself to truly indulge in. And as such, he found it oddly endearing.

Getting down on his knees, the elder adjusted some of the pillows and the blanket, pulling it up over her slender shoulders and stilled when she cracked open an eye in a deceptively lazy manner to see who had dared to enter her inner sanctum before sniffing for a second to check his scent before letting her eye drop closed again as she rolled over and muttered a tired sounding, "Bye."

Smiling inwardly at her antics, Sarutobi moved away and then slipped out of the apartment and began his trek home while planning out revenge for last night.

As of six months ago she had officially retired from being an Anbu/Hunter nin and as such it had given her more time to pressure her own little hobbies- like working undercover as a medical nin- and think on what she wished to be later on. However for the time being, she was also still just a child.

And that meant that she needed to begin to socialize with children her own age otherwise she would be even more alienated when she was older.

Grinning at how much she was going to absolutely hate being signed up for the academy, Sarutobi couldn't help but wonder just how funny her reaction was going to be.

Upon reaching his home, he slipped inside through the upstairs office window and quietly tip-toed his way over to the closet where he hung up his white silk robe and large hat after he was finished working each day, and carefully pulled out a dark duffle bag full of freshly laundered clothes that Uzu had cleaned for him just a day ago before repacking the bag so that each morning he would have something clean to wear after he showered.

It was all part of her clever scheme to make sure that no one would realize that he hadn't been home. Pulling out his choice of clothing for the day then replacing the bag inside of the closet, the elder went about his normal routine of starting to brew some coffee and then going off to shower.

Once he came out of the bathroom down the hall from his office, dressed in his clean clothes that smelled oddly of flowers- his little wife's apparent attempt to drive any nins with canine companions insane due to the sudden and abrupt shift in his scent that would have them running him down every time he either left his office or stayed put while meeting with the canine's human masters.

He sighed and wondered if he could get away with going out in the front yard of his home and rolling around in the dirt a little to try and cover the floral smell some so that he actually smelled, oh I don't know, _normal_. However he refrained from doing so knowing that his little darling would probably severely injure him if he tampered with her work on his scent.

Making his way back to his office, he made quick work of pouring himself a cup of coffee and then going over to his filing cabinet and pulling out some papers for the academy so that he could begin to push the paper work through to get Uzu into the school before the middle of the year so that she could start making friends her own age.

After filling out the paper work and putting it aside so that his aid could file it later, he began the slow and somewhat tedious process of whittling down the huge stack of papers and files that he was expected to go through.

He must have gotten lost in his work, because the next thing he knew it was lunch time and Uzu walked in carrying a bento that she had probably made for him earlier before she had began her rounds at the hospital or around the village where she spent a majority of her time placing seals and traps everywhere in the unlikely event that the village came under attack.

"Hey old man." She greeted as she set his lunchbox down in front of him on the desk.

"Hello, Uzu. What have you been up to since this morning?"

"Stuff." Uzu replied cryptically making the elder pause for several moment's to look up at her from his paperwork. Whenever his wife answered questions in a cryptic manner- it was never a good thing. Which was why he had decided to stop asking questions and move on.

He'd probably read something about what she had been up to later in a newspaper or something.

He just hoped that whatever it was that she had been doing wasn't really bad otherwise the villagers would be calling for her blood again.

"What have you been up too?" Uzu asked as she jumped up and seated herself on the edge of his desk with her body only slightly turned to the side. Her slender legs crossed as she regarded him with an oddly curious expression as he replied.

"Paperwork."

"Sounds boring."

"It usually is. So what did you make me for lunch?" He asked as he set aside the paper that he had just finished working on.

"Shrimp, rice and vegetable stir fry, some tuna sushi and mocha with sweet red bean paste filling."

"Oh! My favorite." He said happily as he reached for the bento eagerly.


	3. How to save a life

"So you've been up to 'stuff' this morning," Sarutobi questioned around a mouthful of food as he watched Uzu work at fixing herself a cup of coco. And when he meant 'work' he meant that his little child bride had somehow been injured or something.

She was favoring her right hand and arm a bit.

Which meant that when she mentioned being up to 'stuff' to him earlier. What she had probably meant was that she had gotten into it with some of his shinobi this morning at some point and the stupid bastard/bastards were probably lying dead somewhere with their insides ripped out.

Or their throats slit.

 _Whatever_ , _dead was dead_. _I'll have to find the bodies and get rid of them._ Sarutobi thought to himself as she finally finished making her coco and came back over to sit across his desk from him. "So now that you've gotten into... _stuff_. What do you plan to do with your morning?" Sarutobi asked curiously.

Uzu regarded him carefully for a moment before speaking.

"I think I'll go to the hospital after I leave here," Uzu said as she took a small sip of her drink. "There might be some people there in need of my 'special' touch." She went on to say as she wiggled her slender fingers on her non injured hand at him and smiled mischievously.

Still obviously planning on not telling him anything about how she got hurt.

The elder blinked at her for a moment and then slowly grinned at her. Deciding it would be for the best to play along for the time being.

"Very well. I'll see you at home later tonight then."

"Okay. But I think you may have to grab some groceries before you head over," Uzu said as she dug a small piece of paper out of her pants pocket and handed it to him. "I noticed earlier that we were kind of out of some stuff." She went on to say as he scanned the items on the list before stopping at one particular item that he hadn't expected to be on the list, and broke out into a cold sweat as he glanced at his wife and stammered out.

"W-Why I-is t-this o-on h-here?"

"You know how you avoid that isle in the store like it's booby trapped or cursed or something..."

Sarutobi nodded his head as he felt his blood pressure spike as Uzu went on to say, "Well you won't be avoiding it anymore. I started this morning." She said with a slight flush tinting her pale cheeks as he gaped at her in horror for a moment before she reached out and forced his jaw shut with an audible snap of his teeth.

"Shut. Your. Mouth." Uzu said, letting a slight growl escape her as she spoke. She didn't appreciate being gawked at like she was some freak over some stupid biological thing that just happened to begin this morning.

Sarutobi blinked at her for a moment as she slowly removed her hand from his jaw and finally found his voice. "Wow. S-So today's a big day huh? Y-You're b-becoming a-a-"

"Say anymore about the damn thing and you'll be bleeding for the next seven days without dying too." She snapped at him in irritation. Causing him to flinch slightly and look away.

To be perfectly honest, this situation was mortifying to the both of them. To him because he was used to only dealing with boys. Like his son and grandson. And mortifying to her because he had no real words to express just how awed/terrified he was of this particular hurtle.

After all she was barely ten years old. Shouldn't she be starting her menstrual cycle in two to three more years? Like when he actually expected it and was maybe more prepared for it?

Or did this have something to do with the Kyubbi? He wondered before asking if she had anything at the moment to serve as a pad so that he wouldn't have to sneak out of the office a few minutes after she left just to go and get the damndable things in that horrible, terrible, _accursed_ store isle and make a quick delivery for her at the hospital while she was working.

Uzu blushed and stammered out that she had a talk with Kyubbi and it had agreed to temporarily stop her cycle until later that day. Hopefully when she got home after work, that way she didn't have to worry about ruining her clothing or having others- like those with enhanced senses, the Inuzuka, Hatake, and several others- wouldn't really notice the change in her scent and make any attempts to harass her.

Several minutes after that, Uzu departed from his office via the window after using a transformation jutsu to alter her appearance to look more like Tsunade had as a young woman in her twenties since people were less likely to bother her overly much if they believed she was Tsunade.

Besides, she had been using the same appearance to come and go from various places around the village since she had turned six. So it wasn't likely that she would be found out when everyone believed her to be his former student, finally returned home again after over thirty years.

The second Uzu was out of sight, Sarutobi glanced back down at the paper with the grocery list and the 'other' thing and practically whimpered.

He was too old for this shit.

Which was why he was going to call Tsunade and Jiraya home. _Immediately_. If he had to deal with a moody and pissed off wife, then those two could damn well suffer too.

And after he was done doing that...he had some dead bodies to find and dispose of.

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Uzu slowed her pace as she headed towards the hospital, for some reason she just didn't feel like going to that depressing place today. She was feeling...lethargic and weary. Maybe even a little bit sleepy.

Which was unusual for her.

So maybe it would be better if she skipped hospital duty today and simply found someplace quiet to take a nap. After all, as much work as she did at the hospital, she doubted that she would be much use in surgery and the trauma unit if she was sleepy and/or passed out.

So maybe one of the benches in the park would work for her napping place. It was nice and out in the open, close to the academy where she could lay down and watch the kids for a little bit before she dozed off, and she didn't have to worry about her transformation jutsu since it would hold. Since it was a total transformation and so solid that there was literally _no way_ to see through it unless one had the Byakugan.

And even then, it would possibly take some time to see what her real form was.

And afterwards if she was possibly feeling less tired then maybe she could go to work at the hospital. At the very least she could wait until she was feeling a bit more energetic.

After all if something was causing her to feel this way- it was in the best interest of not only herself but others for her to wait it out. Otherwise some really bad things could happen.

She could go on a rampage.

The Kyubbi could go on a rampage.

There would be blood and carnage... She heaved a sigh as she landed just outside of the park. The small heels on her shoes clicking softly as she walked through the park towards the far side where her favored bench was.

Several civilian and shinobi present paused what they were doing to look at her and even whisper among themselves behind her back. Probably because they had no idea why Tsunade Senju would be taking a walk through the park so early in the morning.

Frankly she didn't care what they were thinking or saying about her as long as they left her alone.

Finally after about fifteen minutes she reached her destination and smiled a little bit when she noted that it was recess time at the academy and some of the kids were playing tag with each other.

Making her way over to the bench she stretched out on her side, using her arm as a pillow as she watched the kids run around, yelling and screaming.

They looked like they were having fun. And while she enjoyed watching them, sometimes she couldn't help but feel envious of them.

It was barely a minute after she finally managed to close her eyes and began to doze off when she was startled awake by the loudest most terrified series of yelling and screaming. Bolting upright on her bench, Uzu looked around for a second and noticed that several of the teachers at the academy were huddled around a small body.

Gnashing her teeth in vexation, she was up and off of her bench in a blink of an eye and running towards the school grounds to assist the teachers with the injured student.

Upon reaching the school grounds and shoving her way through the teachers surrounding the child, the first thing she noticed was the three kunai sticking out of the kid's chest and the crimson stain of blood staining the boy's once pristine white shirt.

The area where the kunai had hit was dead center, where the heart was and from the blood leaking out of him she could tell that it was a mortal injury.

His heart had been hit, the chambers possibly shredded.

"Lady Tsunade-" One of the teachers began to speak as she knelt down and began barking out instructions to everyone as she placed one hand on the kid's chest as she pulled the kunai out just enough to take care of the deep internal wounds.

All in all it took less than a minute to fix the dying boy's otherwise destroyed heart and to check him internally to make sure that she didn't miss anything before carefully removing the kunai the rest of the way and sealing the wounds so that they were scabbed over and already on their way to healing up nicely.

The boy may have scars later on. But at least he would be alive to learn something from this experience.

Once she was done, she reached into the small pouch that was attached to her hip and drew out several pills and slipped one into the boy's mouth and helped him swallow it, and then handed two more to one of the teachers as she slowly stood up and gave them instructions on what to do with the pills. As well as how best to help the boy before tacking on that one of them should probably take him home for the day and let him rest.

After which she looked down at the kunai that had almost killed the boy and asked who's kunai she had pulled from the boy's- at which point one of the teacher managed to tell her the boy's name- Rock Lee, who's kunai had she pulled from Rock Lee's chest?

One kid stepped forward looking pale and scared.

And for good reason, she could feel her eyes burning as they changed color. Her pale neon pink eyes deepening to vermillion as the Kyubbi stirred within her mind.

She'd put the fear of god into this damned brat and then leave to go resume her nap.


End file.
